ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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