My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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