Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
