I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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