It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
