Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
