you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
