she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
