Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
