we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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