Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
