Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
