Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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