she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
