Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
