This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize