I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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