dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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