I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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