I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
