I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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