Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
