im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
