They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
