im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
