You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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