My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
