i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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