my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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