You're so nebulous sometimes
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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