I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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