Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
