what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
