i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
