were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize