this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
