Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
