I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
