dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
