You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want to fling myself into the sun
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
