Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
