I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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