new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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