So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
