So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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