whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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