Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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