I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
