im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
