Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize