i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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