morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
