Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
