Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
