I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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