Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I supernannyed him into submission
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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