Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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