It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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