4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
