Say something about gay babies.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
