Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
