I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize