I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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