you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish i was in the wii world.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
