I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
