Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
