yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
