I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every concussion has its silver lining
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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