he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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