he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
