Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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