yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
