i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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