The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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