She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
