Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
