i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
